I Will Not Value What Is Valueless

After a long stint away from this blog, I am back.  I haven't been doing A Course In Miracles since pretty much I started school and so I feel as if I haven't had much to say.  However, I began again today with the hope of being able to do it at least until school starts back up again at the end of January (these last few weeks of school are going to be a bit lighter on homework).  So I pick the journey back up with Lesson 133 - I will not value what is valueless.

It couldn't be a more perfect lesson as it goes along directly with a project I am doing for school - the Private Moment.  I've been searching all day for the things that I value which are valueless.  The Course states that "If you choose a thing that will not last forever, what you choose is valueless.  A temporary value is without all value."  I have come up with a long list of valueless things that I value which include alcohol, money, my body, other people's bodies, acceptance from colleagues and instructors....the list goes on and on.  Why do I value all these things?  If I had that answer, I could easily stop valuing them.  It keeps me constantly grabbing and struggling for things that are out of reach, unattainable and which do not last. 

I have had this knowledge for years now and, sad to say, I don't seem to be any better at freeing myself from them.  The only way to fail though, I believe, is to stop trying.  A week from now, I make another attempt at letting a long-standing self-destructive pattern go.  I will be doing this in front of 10 of my new friends and colleagues as a part of a private viewing that is meant to help us grow, not only as artists, but as people.  Knowing that I have their full support behind me may help me to remain stedfast when it comes to holding off on this self-destructive pattern.  Just the thought of attacking it in this way has brought up an insane amount of fear and my ego has already begun using all the tools at its disposal to get me to do something else for my Private Moment.  It's biggest tool in its arsenal is the "why not wait until *this* date to start".  However, I have come to notice that there is always *another* date just a few weeks away that is then used followed by another and another.  I shall not let it play that trick on me this time. 

I attempted to let this go last April and was partly successful.  I did this act of self-destruction much less than I had been.  MUCH less.  So now it is time to let it go for good.  It no longer serves me - I'm not sure that it ever did.  I will continue to post about my experience with it.  In the meantime, I wish you luck in your search for your own self-destructive patterns and in finally releasing them.